“Learn about validation, learn about the illness with them, ask them questions if they’re unsure about what affects them, ask them if there’s anything they can do to help with triggers.”
"Listening to you when you explain to them all the things that come with BPD. Reading up on it so they have an insight and can look out for those signs.”
“Read up on some of the discrimination and trauma we are subjected to during treatment and be an ally.”
“Honestly I find researching and learning to be helpful. Even if they still feel unsure how to help with certain situations etc, just knowing that they care enough about me to look into it, to TRY - means a lot.”
“Listen and learn. My best friend of 20 years as soon as I got diagnosed, read and learnt. She never told me she did this, but I know she did, because of the things she says and does.”
“Educating themselves. And then educating themselves on what works for their loved ones. Asking questions even though it’s sometimes difficult. Learning skills on how to remain calm and supportive in tough situations. Getting support for themselves is also important.”
“Read about the disorder and educate themselves so they are better informed, able to empathise with us and better able to handle and help us with our symptoms.”
“To try not to take things personally. If anger and rage surfaces it is almost certainly directed at ourselves. And just not judge us. We do things we know are not in our best interest. But sometimes compulsiveness or the urge to self-destruct wins. But then we rebuild.”
“Be kind. I know it sounds basic but be kind even when you don't understand behaviours. This can have a huge impact.”
“The most comforting thing for me is reassurance that my BPD thoughts are not based on reality. Reassurance that I am not being rejected or abandoned. Even though my brain might be saying I am.”
“Definitely for me reassurance is a big thing! Just letting someone know they aren’t going to abandon them.”
“Be patient and ride the waves that are mood swings.”
“Reassurance. As often as possible. And then some more.”
“Don't belittle their feelings. Be a safe space they can express their deepest emotions to, with no judgment. Talk through it with them and help them calm down by doing whatever helps them most. It'll be different for everyone.”
“Do some research into it but most importantly reassure them of your love for them and do your best to communicate honestly and with empathy.”
“Please don't say you understand. You don't, and you never will. But that's okay. We don't expect you to. So please don't ever feel guilty because you feel you're not doing enough. Or that you can't make us better. Just being there for us means more than you'll ever know.”
“Ask what you can do to help them achieve the tasks they need to do today.”
​If you say you are going be there, prepare to be there. I have voiced I have BPD and when the symptoms show, they are too much but if you research and TRY to attempt to understand me before things happen, it would lessen the pain! When we ask for you to try to understand, fully listen! Don’t take it as an insult!”
“Be there for them. Try your best to be supportive. You don't have to be the perfect friend/family member. You just have to show that you care and that you will never give up on them.”